Illusion of Lovers
by sakurazukamori
Summary: Black & White, Yin & Yang. Seishiro Sakurazuka and Subaru Sumeragi are two opposites of the same coin the Sakurazukamori refuses to let his prey elude him again and ensnares Subaru in more ways than one. Slash implications.
1. Death

A/N: This is an overall revision and completion of my 'Illusion' fic, thought it needed some tender loving care so I've tried my best. Tried to improve my grammar in this although there probably isn't much change. Anyhoo, hope you enjoy the fic… again, and to those of you who haven't read it, please read and enjoy. Characters, specialist words, X/1999 all copyrighted to CLAMP

**:Chapter 1 – Death:.**

"Shinigami demo Akuma demo nai. Tada no hitogoroshi sa."

'Neither Death nor the Devil, I am only a murderer'

It looked like an endless mechanical labyrinth – a network of mismatched buildings and streets setting up an intricate noise-enhanced maze. This intricate maze was Tokyo and he was standing right in the middle of it. It was sheer pandemonium in the streets yet for some reason this disorder fascinated him every time – the buzz of voices and the roar of engines enveloped him entirely. Closing his mismatched eyes behind the darkened lenses of his glasses, he breathed in the amalgamated smell of smoke, noodles and what could only be described as the distinct aroma of _humans_ - a pungent scent that tantalised his senses, re-awaking with him his deep embedded destiny once more. Even though he was amidst thousands, he felt hidden, disregarded – aiding him in ways _they_ would never understand.

Looking up to the sky, an array of shimmering stars greeted him, their pale light somehow piercing through the hazy fog – infinite and timeless. The gentlest of breezes tussled his dark silken hair causing stray tendrils to blow across his ashen face, obstructing his vision. With his pale hand he swept his hair back, ruffling it. Time seemed to stand still when he was in Tokyo, especially when he was walking amongst the bustling, ignorant crowds. Somehow everything just seemed to stop… allowing him to savour the feeling of being unnoticed – just the way he wanted it. He could stand for hours observing them, watching them go about their lives without scant regard for what was approaching them. A stifled grin flashed across his face, and disappeared almost as quickly as it had appeared... an illusion. He cared nothing for the Earth even though it was his preordained destiny to do so. Smirking at the irony, he removed a cigarette from the crumpled packet found in his trench coat and lit it. The pale flame from the lighter danced in his eyes – the amber hues in one were accentuated to a point that could be considered warm – almost friendly, whilst the milky complexion of the other eye remained cold – untouchable even to light. The smoke from the cigarette coiled around his hand like a serpent, hazily weaving its way between the tapered fingers, gliding over the glass-like fingernails. Mesmerised by the intricacy of the smoke, everything else faded into oblivion – silence descended upon the streets of Tokyo. However, he was not alone – the whispers of the Sakura Barrow wrapped themselves about his consciousness bringing to surface the true nature of the sakurazukamori.

The sakurazukamori opened his eyes and pandemonium prevailed once more. The tree needed feeding - it needed a soul. The dark haired assassin advanced down the congested street, searching for his next victim. Something caused him to stop abruptly and turn, something told him to look towards a nearby nondescript sushi bar – the dark onmyouji grinned. Leaning up against a nearby street lamp, the Blossom Star folded his arms across his chest and observed his prey's every move, both his eyes intently transfixed on watching how his victim drank his soft drink and how he picked at his food like a vulture. This inherent normality, the conventional _humanity _surrounding this man again made a grin flash across the assassin's face. In his eyes a rock had the same value as a human life – the humanity of humans made no difference to him. The guttural call of his shikigami broke his gaze on the young entrepreneur. He felt the black shadow eagle land gently on his shoulder yet its razored talons pierced his flesh as if it were paper; a feeling he had become accustomed too.

The gentle breeze that caressed his hair brought a flurry of sakura petals with it. His pallid hand snatched the petals from the air, caging them in its firm grasp. He opened his hand looking at the way they had become crumpled – imperfect. The sakurazukamori returned his gaze to the carefree businessman. This man was clever, excelling in providing cheaper, yet more effective, pharmaceutical products to the less fortunate. However, key businesses were suffering, losing money – many _wished_ for his death, the onmyouji was only happy to oblige but, somehow, this businessman was different to many of his previous victims. He was kind and, to some, could be seen as having a good soul, but that had no consequence to a dark assassin such as himself. There was something though about this man's innate kindness that was not at all dissimilar to that of someone else he knew – someone who also took joy in helping others, someone he knew well. A slight smile passed across the Blossom Star's lips once more as he thought back to that fateful day under the Sakura Barrow, the day he made that uncompromising bet. The shriek of his shikigami brought him out of his mental illusion, informing him of the swift departure of his victim from the sushi bar. Unfolding his arms and fixing his glasses, the assassin began to steadily follow this intelligent businessman with the penchant for helping others, smiling as he hunted his prey.

The silhouette of the shadow eagle flew ahead of his master, its beady eyes bored deep into the soul of the sakurazukamori's prey. Oblivious to the fact he was being stalked, the businessman halted at a set traffic lights, impatiently glancing at his watch, and jabbing at the button used to operate the lights. The assassin appeared behind him as if out of nowhere accompanied with a scattering of sakura petals that were whisked away by a sharp wind, dispersing themselves into the night. Once more his shikigami settled on his broad shoulder – both fixed their amber gazes on the back of the man's head. The familiar tune of the lights changing sounded and the entrepreneur hastily crossed the busy road and disappeared down a less congested, more desolate street – again he was stalked, his time almost up.

The young businessman had a meeting with his M.D so it was imperative for him to get to the meeting on time. Dashing down a back street, he knew the risk he was taking especially with the increase in gang crimes, but he had to get to his meeting and this was the quickest route. Not looking as to where he was going his feet betrayed him as he tripped and fell on his front, hitting his head against the cracked concrete surface beneath him. He lifted up his head and saw a crimson smear tainting the surface of the pavement. Bringing a hand up to his head, he felt blood on the tips of his fingers. He pushed himself up with the palms of his hands and staggered to his feet – disorientated and light headed. He could swear he saw a man clad in black walking towards him, an over coat wrapping itself about his hidden frame. The young man's pupils dilated as he strained to see the facial details of this mysterious man. There was something about this black-cloaked stranger that was reminiscent of Death – it was at this point of realisation that something embedded deep in the man's psyche told him that he was in danger and that he needed to run. He turned and started but found he could not move, that all of his limbs had become leaden. It was almost like an unseen force was holding him there, holding him there until Death consumed him.

The mysterious stranger grew closer to him, smiling as he saw his victim struggling to move, laughing as he saw tears of trepidation burn down the young man's paling cheeks. The businessman struggled in vain, but still he could not move. Momentarily he closed his eyes praying for his safety, however when he opened his eyes he found himself underneath a gnarled, twisted Sakura tree with the mysterious figure from the backstreet in front of him. Somehow, the alleyway had disappeared and he was trapped in an endless oblivion.

"Wha-? W-where am I!" the young man screamed insanely, more tears streaming down his face. "Who are you?"

The assassin smirked as he observed the dread that spread across his victim's face as the Sakura Barrow's contorted vines stroked his own face and caressed his powerful frame. He knew it was time to offer the soul of this victim to the Barrow. The fate of this innocent was sealed.

"Adieu," he whispered in his victim's ear. "Adieu."

The young man looked down at his hands; they were no longer constituted of flesh and blood, but petals, countless sakura petals. He felt his fingers disintegrate as if sections of them were being stripped off and peeled away. The sensation was agonizing, but the mental torture was worse. He could see what was happening to himself, he could see himself decaying, watching as he became nothing but pink sakura petals. He shrieked as he watched his legs and lower abdomen flutter away into oblivion. The sakurazukamori stood and watched with intent as the young businessman disintegrated, he observed the way his eyes held a sense of pleading. He had seen this face before… at this point his eyes betrayed him. He swore he had seen that face, that pleading face…

"Subaru-kun?" he exclaimed, shocked.

He removed his tinted glasses and stared at his victim's face. The pleading face from his past flashed before his eyes again. A surge of memories rushed through him as he remembered the look on the boy's face before he tried to kill him – those same _pleading_ emerald eyes. The Blossom Star smiled.

It was only a matter of time before his victim fell silent as the pastel petals began peeling away from his thorax, taking away his ability to breathe and scream. The shadow onmyouji came closer, leering over his victim. The businessman's face began to flutter away, his eyes becoming nothing but a flurry of sakura petals. The Sakurazuka assassin turned from the remains of his victim and lit a cigarette, casting the empty packet asunder. The sakura petals and the Sakura Barrow disappeared leaving the onmyouji standing in the middle of the desolate backstreet where he had encountered his victim one last time. He reached into the top pocket of his over coat with his free hand and placed his sunglasses back on. With this habitual action fulfilled, his mind wandered to other matters. Inhaling the bitter smoke from his cigarette, he cast his mind back to his victim's face – it was so uncanny. Smiling, he slowly exhaled the smoke out into the night air. _I wonder how my prey is doing._


	2. The Hanged Man

_**DISCLAIMER:** As before, all characters and words etc relating to the characters used are owned and credited to CLAMP. The Sakura Barrow dialogue is an extract from Tokyo Babylon – also credited to and owned by CLAMP. The interpretation of events and the story that follows is written by sakurazukamori. Enjoi, R/R._

**.:Chapter 2 - The Hanged Man:.  
**"God only hurts those he loves"

Midnight. The neon phosphorescence of the towering, buzzing street lamps gave the nearby high rise buildings and cracked streets an eerie ambience which suitably accompanied the already overpowering sense of unfathomable foreboding. The howl of mongrel dogs was met with the screech of streetwise cats that prowled the night time streets of Tokyo. Tokyo – a city of corruption, a city of sin, inexplicably plagued with increased surges in paranormal activity. These increased surges were explained away by the average denizens of Tokyo, but to the young onmyouji, the 13th head of the Sumeragi Clan, they could only be explained by one thing: 1999 – the year of the Apocalypse. The year that the Dragon of Earth and the Seven Harbingers would do battle against the Dragon of Heaven and the Seven Seals in order to decide the Earth's fate once and for all. However, for once, he did not care for the fate of the Earth, he had already lost what he had held most dear and with that loss had been betrayed by one he loved equally as much. He sighed allowing his once piercing, soulful emerald eyes to dull further as the surge of unsettling, spectral memories flooded back deep within his heart.

"Hokuto-chan," he whispered softly to the night air that lay dormant about him.

Motionless he stood, unable to think about anything except the past that so frequently haunted him. Shaking his head, the onmyouji continued walking swiftly down a deserted side street closing his eyes, inhibiting their mirroring transparency, hindering their tendency to betray his inner heartache. His finely attuned senses began to guide him back to his rented one room apartment, the place he was to call 'home'.

A brisk wind picked up hurling autumn leaves and discarded drink cans against the walls of the dilapidated apartment blocks. The wind stung the Sumeragi's colourless cheeks and blew his white overcoat out behind him exposing his lithe frame. He had become painfully thin; his shoulder joints becoming more prominent, his cheekbones almost piercing through his translucent skin. The white onmyouji had been inundated with various exorcisms and ceremonial duties associated with his clan, so much so that he had worked himself into the ground. However, this was his duty, his birthright; it was the only thing he had left to call his own. He was a mere shadow of his former self – a shadow that concealed a forlorn emptiness embedded beneath an equally forlorn exterior. Subconsciously, the youth fought the wind for control of his washed-out over coat and pulled it about his body, seemingly hiding it from the outside world. However, it was not only his exterior that he was concealing, but also his very soul, or what was left of it. His very essence was locked away in an impenetrable cage that only he had the key to, but unlocking that cage was becoming harder; it was almost as if he had become a shell, a mere vessel, incapable of feeling. Every day that passed shattered his soul further; the world seemed to hold no meaning for him anymore – all he could do was await his wish. However, the white onmyouji did not know how long he would have to wait until his wish was granted – the complete uncertainty of the event was the only real certainty he had left.

The sound of heavy-duty boots slamming on to cold concrete steps pierced the stagnant midnight air as the young Sumeragi travelled up endless flights of graffiti and gum-smeared stairs to reach his somewhat 'humble' abode. His flat was on the fifth floor of one of the many high-rise apartment blocks that appeared to rise like a Phoenix from the sordid atmosphere that Tokyo seemed to exuded; however, there was no denying it – even after 8 years of misery, there was still a part of the onmyouji that, in some way, _loved _Tokyo. He glanced over the side of the hand railing to gaze at the city that lay awake beneath him. The way the city lit up was as if tiny stars had fallen from the over-arching sky itself, randomly placing themselves amongst an elaborate arrangement of cut out shapes silhouetted against a midnight shadow. Every time he saw the lights of Tokyo, something long forgotten in his heart danced releasing a warmth that the onmyouji could only describe as love. His eyes strained to pick out every spark of light, but there were too many to comprehend. Sighing, he paced up the final flight of fractured concrete stairs, his eyes greeted by the sight of the metal door to his dreary apartment. He fumbled in his inside coat pocket for his door key whilst reaching with his other hand for the packet of cigarettes he had placed, for convenience, in his outside pocket. Momentarily he stopped venturing in his pocket for his key to slowly remove a 'Mild Seven' from the nearly full packet. _Seishiro-san… _He brought the cigarette to his mouth and lit it in one graceful movement. The Sumeragi leant against the door of his apartment enveloped by an overwhelming sense of nostalgia – he was smoking the same brand as _him _in what could only be considered as a vain attempt to experience what _he _had experienced. For what reason? The young Sumeragi had no reason, except that he longed to feel what his betrayer had felt every time he routinely carried out this long-standing pastime – a pastime that had now been conferred on to the white onmyouji. Wisps of velvety smoke dispersed into the thick night air yet their bitter fragrance still lingered on, long enough for him to remember the nicotine-tinged scent of his betrayer. He flicked the ash from the end of his cigarette in one subliminal motion.

"Did you know that there is a corpse under every Sakura tree?" questioned the youthful sakurazukamori. "Normally, the petals are white as snow. Do you know what makes them pink?"

* * *

_The white onmyouji stood in front of the Sakurazuka assassin shaking his head, fearful of saying a word. There was something mysterious and dangerous about this youth's aura that was unfathomable to him._

"_It's the blood of the corpse feeding the tree," whispered the dark haired youth into the young Sumeragi's ear._

_Tears sprang from his, then, piercing emerald eyes. He was a mere child at eight years old. _

"_Those people… buried under there," he stuttered between sobs, "are they in pain?"_

_A sinister grin flashed across the youth's angular face as he observed the innocence that shone from the Sumeragi's tear-streaked countenance. Kneeling down, he took the child onmyouji's warm, petite hands into his own cold gasp, pulling him close._

"_I'll make a bet with you," whispered the assassin into the Sumeragi's naïve ear._

_The sakurazukamori thenceforth brought the Sumeragi's trembling hands to his lips and gently kissed each one. Where his lips had touched the child's hands, the mark of the sakurazukamori appeared – the inverted pentagram signifying that the prey of the sakurazukamori had been chosen.

* * *

_

The onmyouji winced as the glowing end of his cigarette burnt into the tips of his fingers, arousing him from the spectres of his past. The emerald-eyed youth dropped the smouldering amber butt onto the cold ground beneath him. That day, under the Sakura tree, the bet - it haunted him still. Every night he was plagued by the same nightmare, every night he witnessed not only his sister's murder, but also the bet that had triggered everything. He fell to his knees clenching his fists; his eyes burned with defiance yet still there remained, embedded in those emerald orbs, misery.

"Seishiro-san," he whispered.

After grinding the redundant cigarette butt into the floor with a twist of his black boot, he speedily removed the door key from his coat pocket and inserted it into the rusted lock, causing a cloud of orange dust to escape. The scratching of the key and the clicking and knocking of the lock broke the unnatural silence that had descended about him. Forcefully, the youth pushed open the door to his apartment and watched as the light dissipated from sight. The room was a reflection of him – dark, cold and empty. Shaking his coat off, the young onmyouji turned to lock his door when he was greeted by a rather capricious black cat who lingered in the middle of his door way, licking its paws, unable to enter the Sumeragi's apartment. Emblazoned around the cat's neck was a bright red collar – the cat was obviously not a stray. Crouching on the floor, the Sumeragi began to stroke the cat closing his eyes intently listening to the noisy purr that it contently emitted. He opened his green eyes to look into the cat's – they were an intense amber colour flecked with yellow tinges that appeared to dance around the slit pupil. The youth found himself hypnotized by the way the amber eyes seem to grow brighter, warmer, seemingly piercing through the darkness. He knew that this was no ordinary cat and that it was, in fact, a spiritual projection, a shikigami of one who needed his help.

"I know. I know you are in pain," the onmyouji murmured softly. "I will come to you."

With that the cat replied with a weak meow and dissipated into the night leaving behind the written spell that its owner had summoned it with. After picking up the spell, the youth rose to his feet and closed the heavy door. A shikigami had sought him out; he knew that his grandmother, the 12th Head of the Clan would have left a message for him about an awaiting request regarding the sender of the shikigami. The answer machine, as well as many of his other belongings, was strewn across the tiled floor. The lack of household necessities such as a table did not concern the young onmyouji in the slightest. The apartment was just a room, a room like any other - it held no importance to him. Perching on the edge of his bed, Subaru Sumeragi lit yet another cigarette. The phone began to ring monotonously; ring after ring after ring. The young man stared at the answer machine. Hokuto's greeting broke the continuous ringing; her jubilant salutation still remained on his answer machine – a distant memory that he could not bring himself to erase. The tone sounded.

"Subaru-san, about the message that we have discussed over the phone last week. They have informed me and would like you to officially perform the task for them. I will send you the address," Lady Sumeragi uttered through the answer machine.

Once business had been dealt with an unsettling silence followed as if the 12th Head was unsure of how to proceed.

"Are you… still searching for Sakurazuka?" came the hoarse, tearful voice. "Subaru, leader of the Sumeragi estate, you have decided and I will not interfere. I _won't_ interfere, but please... stay well. I am worried Subaru-san, please stay well."

The caller hung up plunging the room back into silence once more. Subaru stood up and headed towards the window. He knew his grandmother meant well, just as she meant well when she told him to stay away from Seishiro-san. However, he was past caring now. He would find the sakurazukamori and, with that, make his wish this world's reality.

Rain began to fall, striking the window, criss-crossing the pane. Subaru looked at his contemplative reflection in the window; it pained him to even look at himself because all he could see was _her_. Turning from the window, he turned to reach for another cigarette, yet something drew him back to the window. Cautiously, he looked at his reflection once more… he was not alone. The Sumeragi rubbed his eyes, trying to ignore the overwhelming sense of exhaustion that had all of a sudden crept over him. His pupils dilated as he strained to see whether his mind was playing tricks on him; however three sets of eyes still frantically stared back at him. The apartment room seemed to spin in front of him, various commodities blurring into one another, dark merging into light merging into dark. The weariness that had descended upon him began to take its toll on his leg muscles causing them to buckle underneath him, bringing him crashing to the floor. His muscles seemed to be undergoing instantaneous atrophy soon enough he would be completely unable to move; he had not even the strength left to summon his onmyoujitsu spells – it was as if someone was draining him of all his energy. His lucent eyelids began to cloak the emerald spheres that lay beneath them as this unnatural fatigue took hold of him. With one last glance, he looked down at his hands that were sprawled out in front of him. They were no longer white but streaked with a deep red. The helpless onmyouji could do nothing, but watch as drops of liquid vermilion trickled from the mark of the sakurazukamori and cascaded on to the black tiles beneath him. His eyes eventually betrayed him plunging him into an unnatural darkness.

* * *

_Chapter 2 all re-edited and done! I really liked this chapter when I first wrote, but I cant believe how many typos there were. Right, on with Chapter 3! If you haven't read then please, tell me if you enjoyed it._


	3. The Hierophant

**DISCLAIMER**: As before, all characters and words etc relating to the characters used are owned and credited to CLAMP. Certain images and events are also credited to CLAMP. However, the interpretation of events and the story that follows is written by sakurazukamori. Enjoi, R/R.

**.:Chapter 3 – The Hierophant:.**

"It is the Devil's desire for his creation that allows our desire to be realised in God"

A thousand thoughts raced through his mind.

_**Why are my hands covered in blood?**_

_**The mark…it burnt...**_

_**Where am I?**_

**_Why do I feel so weightless? _**

It felt as if he were in stasis – every sense had shut down. Everything was black; all he could rely on now was the hope that he might find answers to these endless questions. The paralysis that had come over him had still not subsided; he could neither open his eyes nor move his lips, yet he still retained the ability to breathe - something or _someone_ wanted him…alive. He knew that without the rest of his senses he had no chance of awakening or even discovering where he was. The onmyouji was in a state of internal confusion; his apartment was protected with the strongest of barrier spells to prevent spiritual intrusion, making it near on impossible for anyone with spiritual power to enter.

How could anyone possibly… 

His thoughts were abruptly cut short by an all too familiar smell - a smell that had haunted him since he was a child, pervading his innocence - a smell that he cared not to experience again… the sweet smell of sakura blossom. The delicate yet alluring scent weaved its way into Subaru's distant memory, bringing forth images he no longer cared to witness. The serpentine aroma continued to infuse into his subconscious poisoning his thoughts, calling him to wake, to open his eyes…

His long eyelashes fluttered, dripping with sweat and tears as his delicate eyelids began to twitch, partially unveiling the green depths that lay beneath. The Sumeragi found that his vision was blurred: anything that lay before him was hazy and indistinct, beyond comprehension. Straining, his pupils began to dilate in an attempt to discern his whereabouts. A gentle breeze blew across his sylphlike frame carrying with it a flash of pink that fluttered across his line of sight, yet his vision was too hazy to realise what it was. Tears of anger sprang to the onmyouji's eyes as the feeling of helplessness once again overwhelmed him, diminishing all that he had left: the hope that he would find answers. Warm salty tears cascaded down the sides of his face, mingling with the stray strands of hair that had spread across his cheeks. Even with almost all hope drained from him he began to feel an intangible warmth returning to his limbs, diffusing through his muscles causing his fingertips to gingerly caress the ground on which he lay. Soon, the warmth had permeated through every muscle, taking away the paralysis and the cold, restoring to him the hope that he might soon understand why he was here.

The young onmyouji found the strength to roll on to his side, allowing him to distinguish his surroundings. Everything was pitch black in colour except a faint light that dawned about him. The constitution of the black matter was neither solid nor liquid – it was incorporeal. A void – that was all he could describe it as; a seemingly endless void. Sighing quietly, he noticed that the same gentle breeze that had passed over him and diminished before had now returned, bringing with it that familiar flash of pink.

Everything seemed to stop.

The wind died away and the pink entity lay suspended in mid air. Subaru's slender hand sluggishly rose up plucking the pastel pink entity from the silence, caging it in his grasp. Bringing his trembling hand closer to his face, he gazed into his open palm.

His eyes widened with shock and every hair on the back of his neck stood on end. He could feel his heart beat out an ominous rhythm as his eyes fixed themselves on the quivering, whisper-soft sakura petal guiltlessly lying in the palm of his colourless hand. He winced as he remembered how the same innocent, ethereal blossom that now lay in his hand fell like corrupted snowflakes on that day when he was eight years old.

"Seishiro-san," he uttered softly as his fist clamped around this perfect obscenity, refusing to let _it _escape - refusing to let _him _escape.

His fist clenched tighter and tighter until he could see the blood draining from his knuckles exposing the outline of bone and cartilage beneath. He clenched tighter until he could feel the stab of fingernails against his paper-like skin. His throat became choked with tears as more delicate pastel petals settled about him, throwing an otherworldly incandescence against the endless black void, drowning him in his past. The tension in his steely grasp slowly subsided as he began to warily unball his fist. His pupils enlarged as he watched the crumpled petal transubstantiate before his very eyes into a torrent of glistening crimson blood that splashed inaudibly on to the ground. The onmyouji's lip trembled as he brought his hand closer to his face, his eyes growing wider at the sight of the blood trickling along the pre-etched lines of the palm of his hand. The scent of the vermilion blood was overpowering – like Death, the iron-tinged aroma hung over him, reminding him…

_**Subaru! Subaru-chan!** _

His eyes broke away from his bloodstained hand as he sat bolt upright, shuddering in disbelief as that unmistakable voice cut through him like cold steel.

_Hokuto-chan? _

_**Subaru-chan!** _

"Hokuto-chan?" replied the young Sumeragi in disbelief. "Where? Where are you?"

The onmyouji clambered unsteadily to his feet, twisting and turning, trying to perceive where the voice was coming from. The blackness spun round him as his name reverberated around this void bouncing off invisible walls, teasing him, inviting him to remember his past – to remember what he had lost.

_**Subaru-chan**_

He clamped his hands over his ears trying to block out the sound of his twin desperately calling his name just as she had called out for him the moment she…

**_Subaru_**

The palms of his hands pressed tighter against his ears until he could feel the rapid pulse of his blood coursing through his veins.

**_Subaru, please..._**

The voice echoed inside his mind yet still he kept his hands clamped over his ears. He could hear his own breathing shakily rising and falling faster and faster. He could feel the warmth of the blood left on his hand smearing across the side of his face, branding him further. The voice had aroused his darkness memories bringing them to the surface. He jammed his eyes shut, but he saw her in his mind's eye lying there motionless on the ground showered with sakura petals. The blood from the gaping wound in her chest saturating the white shikifuku that adorned her slim frame. The ceremonial beads that hung about her neck lay scattered and bloodstained on the petal-showered ground. And then, there _he _stood, the embodiment of darkness; his right hand dripping with not only his sister's blood, but the blood of all the victims of the Sakura Barrow. A victorious smile spread across his face revealing pearly white teeth that lay beneath his flushed lips. The sakurazukamori's blood-drenched hand slowly reached out to grasp at Subaru, but with that one final gesture he disappeared, leaving behind an obscenity that continued to sear into the onmyouji's psyche. It tormented him, reminded him that he could not save her even in his dreams. His soul screamed in agony as her panic-stricken face burnt deeper into his heart.

"Ho…ku…to-chan," he brokenly choked between sobs.

He covered his face with scarlet-tinged hands allowing tears of misery to streak down the contours of his fingers. His chest violently convulsed as sob after sob shook through him forcing him to gasp for air. Was it really Hokuto-chan? Was he going insane or was it just some... illusion?

_Sei... Seishiro-san?_

"SEISHIRO-SAN!" he cried as both tears of anger and pain fell from his vacant eyes spilling onto his pale cheeks.

_Seishiro._ His name was like a death sentence – silencing and final bringing an end to everything. He was here and Subaru knew it. He could almost feel the slender yet muscular arms and the silken, sensual words of the sakurazukamori wrapping themselves around him, enveloping him, drawing him deeper into his past – their past.

Subaru's white overcoat began to swirl about him as a sharp wind whipped about his slight frame carrying with it the sound of gentle footsteps approaching from the distance. Could it be him? The man who had trapped him in this hellish illusion, the man who had made him relive his worst nightmares over and over again. His hands fell from his face as the footsteps grew closer…

Closer.

Closer…

…then nothing.

He knew he had to, he had to turn round. This was his chance, the chance to confront _him _– the source of all his misery, but the centre-point of his unbidden desires. The Sumeragi's composure hardened, his resolve flared as he felt his hand shakily reaching into his pocket fingering the ofuda that lay there. This was his only chance. Beads of perspiration formed on his brow; his whole body had broken out into a cold sweat. He could taste his own fear as he nervously licked his dry lips. Splaying the white ofuda into a fan in front of his glistening face, he prepared to turn around to face his adversary …his love.

* * *

_Chapter 3 done and dusted. I haven't really added much more to this except a few sentences that I think kinda fitted the mood. I had a habit of over using '...' so I've tried to cut that down. Thanks for reading, please carry on!_


	4. The Lovers

_**DISCLAIMER:** As before, all characters and specialised words etc, relating to the characters used are owned and credited to CLAMP. Certain images and events are also credited to CLAMP. However, the interpretation of events and the story that follows is written by sakurazukamori. Enjoi, R/R._

**.:Chapter 4 – The Lovers:.**

"Love is not the satisfaction of a need, but the precondition for all others."

_If I turn around will he be there?_

_Seishiro-san._

Seishiro…

Silence…

…yet the silence of the darkness gave way to one lonely sound - the brushing of the young Sumeragi's white ofuda against one another moments before they were flung at the one who commanded the blossom: the bane of the onmyouji's life, yet the only reason he had to live. His hand trembled as the uncertainty of what was to follow bore down upon him, tormenting him.

_Why? Why can't I turn around?_

Fear…

It was the fear of uncertainty - the very reason why the young onmyouji could not turn around; the reason why he could not move, why he could not think. He had felt this fear before when he was a boy of eight years old – when he was, again, at the whim of the sakurazukamori: his enemy, his love. It hung about his neck like a festering albatross, haunting him, dragging him back down to the darkest recesses of his soul. He could feel the unwanted memories surfacing once more, trickling out of every pore covering his skin in a searing film of nostalgia. The Sumeragi could almost smell the aroma of the past that once again saturated his very being, immersing him in fear and dread. The glowing ofuda continued to quiver in the onmyouji's unstable hand as the fear ravaged him yet again. No matter how hard he tried to overcome this fear it found new ways of destroying his already weakened resolve. Once more he was caught in an illusion of the sakurazukamori's doing; again his mind was cruelly subjected to defilation by the sakura and corruption by the blossom star himself, Seishiro Sakurazuka.

Seishiro…

The man that had brought both sorrow and joy into Subaru's life; the man whom he both hated and loved in equal measure now, once again, held him prisoner. He had been Seishiro's prisoner all his life, both in mind and body, but no more…

"No more!" cried out the young Sumeragi. "No more…"

With that he twisted round flinging his ofuda in front of him, hoping, _praying_ that he could break free from the sakurazukamori's hold. The ofuda flew out transforming into white doves as they soared, each one emblazoned with the sign of the Sumeragi's white onmyoujitsu – the pentacle. A burst of ruby light flashed before the young Sumeragi forcing him to shield his eyes; when he reopened them, his ofuda were no longer present - he had felt their energy disintegrate and then he saw blood...the blood of his own ofuda trickling down the contours of a scarlet pentagram invoked by the same ruby light that had appeared before him moments ago. He could hear the blood splash onto the ground below in torrents. Again, the pentagram, the mark of the sakurazukamori had found him once more and would not let him go – the wielder of the star still held his prisoner captive.

Subaru fell to his knees before the crimson pentagram watching helplessly as its scarlet radiance grew stronger and stronger, bathing the darkness around him with a vermilion calamity as if it were concealing a hideous secret he could not know. He could feel the presence of the sakurazukamori surrounding him, revelling in his helplessness just as he had done all those years ago. The backs of the Sumeragi's ashen hands burnt as the accursed mark of the sakurazukamori emitted a faint azure glow.

The cracking of knuckles pierced the oppressing silence as the fists of the young onmyouji clenched. With each crack the Sumeragi resolved to break though the pentagram that had dominion power over him. However, as if reading his very thoughts, the scarlet pentagram burst into a contagion of bloodstained sakura petals before Subaru's very eyes, allowing him to see what lay behind the fluttering remains of the withered pentagram.

"Hokuto-chan!" he whispered, as what had been concealed from him was finally revealed.

_Hokuto?_

_But why?_

She stood there adorned in his white shikifuku, his own ceremonial beads hung at _her_ slender throat caressing _her_ pale skin. The shadow of the sinister Sakura Barrow crept over her, its gnarled vines twisting and contorting about themselves in anticipation at what was yet to come. She stepped forward, the shikifuku swaying about herfragile frame, the ceremonial beads chiming against each other and looked up at the blizzard of treacherous sakura blossom that engulfed her. The blanket of sakura petals that covered the ground threw an unearthly glare upon the trunk of the Sakura Barrow revealing its pulsating limbs. The Barrow appeared to have a mind of its own as its vines tried to grasp at his mirror image who stood... waiting.

"Hokuto-chan!" the Sumeragi screamed. "Run. RUN!"

She could not hear him; instead she turned around as if she were talking to someone on the other side of the throbbing trunk of the Sakura Barrow. He had to warn her… had to save her. The young onmyouji ran; he ran until he felt his muscles burn with acid fatigue. He ran until he could feel his pulse drum through every vein, every artery.

_Oh God._

_Hokuto-chan._

_Please…run, just…_

"Konnichiwa," his sister whispered, "Sei-chan."

_run…_

He stopped dead in his tracks.

**Konnichiwa…**

**_Sei-chan._**

**_Sei-chan._**

**_Sei-chan…_**

His name echoed inside the Sumeragi's mind and reverberated about his physical being. He could feel himself sinking deeper into the illusion as the name of his sister's murderer resonated against the invisible walls of darkness between which he was held captive. His eyes grew wide with terror...

"Konnichiwa, Hokuto-chan," the sakurazukamori whispered slowly and purposefully, flashing a stingingly sadistic smile.

Subaru's eyes flashed between his sister and _him_ Why could he not hear them? His sister's face, it looked so composed, so tranquil as if she had no idea what her fate was destined to be… yet she clasped and unclasped her hands: the only action that betrayed her steadfast composure.

_I can't. I can't let her die, not again…_

"HOKUTO-CHAN!" screamed the young Sumeragi, his fists tightly balled. "Please, RUN!"

It was no use. His sister's arms dropped to her sides as she closed her eyes… waiting. Then he saw, he saw what was to become his sister's untimely end. The sakurazukamori, the man he held most dear, began to prepare his fatal technique.

"NO! HOKUTO!"

He ran…

**_His _arm flattened itself out…**

He kept running…

**…drawing itself back…**

He ran and ran…

**…swiftly striking _his _victim…**

He stopped…

The Sumeragi watched as the man he loved mercilessly struck his sister, impaling her with his own hand.

He watched through crying eyes as the crimson essence gushed from the gaping wound in her chest, staining the white shikifuku.

He heard the tearing of sinew and the cracking of bone as the sakurazukamori withdrew his blood-soaked hand.

He smelt the scent of her blood on his flesh.

His twin, his_ Gemini,_ lay there on a bed of scarlet-tainted sakura blossom, motionless and bloody. Standing over her was the man he held most dear, his hand dripping with blood, encrusted with sinew – somehow his face managed to remain completely serene; even his mismatched eyes held an eerie sense of serenity. The sakurazukamori turned, kneeling next to his dying victim taking her wilting hand into his.

"Seishiro-san. Why?" whispered the young onmyouji. "WHY?"

He threw himself at the dark onmyouji grabbing his solid form turning him around to face him. Subaru's eyes flashed with anger as the blossom star merely smiled at him calmly, flashing him his pearly white teeth.

"Why? WHY NOT ME?" exclaimed the Sumeragi. "I've looked all over for you, to ask you…to…a-"

"Were you _really _looking for me?" interrupted the sakurazukamori. "Or were you merely looking…for yourself?"

Subaru's eyes grew wide in disbelief.

"How!"

He watched as the mismatched eyes of his adversary flooded with the same emerald hue that coloured his own. The blossom star's hair grew until Subaru's own trademark bangs framed his own face, until strands of the dark hair of the Sumeragi gently swept across his own eyelids. His already pallid complexion drained further until the translucent flesh of the Sumeragi became _his _own. Even the dark shroud that covered his body faded out into the white of Subaru's own overcoat.

"Subaru-kun, you look like you've seen a ghost," whispered a transformed Seishiro, smiling.

The Sumeragi stumbled back watching this illusion of his own image heartlessly grinning back at him; he watched as he, Subaru Sumeragi, picked up his sister's lifeless body and offered it to the very thing he despised – the very thing that had haunted him… that haunted him still. He was still at the mercy of the Barrow. Crumpling to his knees, he held his head in his hands.

"I didn't kill her. I didn't kill her," he shakily murmured to himself. "I…did…"

He lunged out with his arm so as to grab at his cold-blooded reflection, so he could stop _himself _condemning his own sister, his own flesh and blood to the grappling vines of the Sakura Barrow. However, his hand sliced effortlessly through the effigy of himself as if it were just a mirage of the air dispersing the image of him and his sister into a pestilence of fluttering iniquity.

* * *

_Difficult chapter to write first time, but I am still relatively happy with the way it turned out. Hope you all liked it too. Once again, my grammar and punctuation were totally terrible! I think they've improved somewhat now, hope so anyway. Feel free to give me a review or email with your comments – I like receiving feedback._


	5. Alchemy

**DISCLAIMER:** As before, all characters and specialised words etc, relating to the characters used are owned and credited to CLAMP. Certain images and events are also credited to CLAMP. However, the interpretation of events and the story that follows is written by sakurazukamori. Enjoi, R/R.

**.:Chapter 5 – Alchemy:.**

"Only those who know their own darkness and keep it in mind are a match for the malice of the world and the malice of the demons of the unconscious."

_Love bade me welcome…_

…**come…**

…_yet my soul drew back…_

…**come to me…**

…_Guilty of Lust and Sin._

…**Subaru-kun.**

The Sumeragi's right hand fell to the floor, bloody and shaking. Lines of scarlet caressed each one of his narrow fingers neatly pooling in between each of his knuckles. This was all he had, this and a thousand terrible memories each one masked underneath the epitome of natural perfection. His sister had gone, _he_ had gone – he was once more alone.

_Alone._

…**yes.**

Alone, just like he had been seven years ago. His sister was dead and her murderer vanished, vanished before his very eyes. He could not let them both disappear again, he couldn't be alone anymore. Subaru held his head in his hands, his mind swimming with a thousand thoughts and feelings. Hate warred with Love whilst Anger raged against Pain. Nothing was simple anymore; everything just seemed to be in turmoil – endless turmoil.

Confliction. 

"Where are you?" whispered the onmyouji softly. "Where? Seishiro…"

His dry, cracked lips began to moisten with the tears that traced the pink curvature of his mouth. The tears felt warm against his cold lips, but it was an undesirable warmth – an artificial warmth that could be removed with the wipe of a hand or a gust of wind.

Imitation. 

Nothing seemed real to the onmyouji anymore; this illusion was not real. Did this mean that his feelings had become unreal too?

"No," moaned the Sumeragi.

_No._

…**no?**

The defiance of this word lingered on his lips. He felt its insolence creep into every pore, filling him with the desire to make his existence a reality once more. Shakily, he rose to his feet his knees threatening to buckle beneath him once again. He drew himself up stiffening his weakening posture, rigidly placing his blood-splattered hands by his white-clad sides. The only action that broke his tenacity was the tears that rapidly traced the contours of his angular face.

"Where are you Seishiro-san?" pleaded the onmyouji, his voice tinged with desperation.

"You should know by now, Subaru-kun," whispered a dark, menacing voice, seemingly from behind where the Sumeragi stood. "I'm everywhere you are."

…_you are…_

…_you are…_

The whispering echoes flew about the illusion resounding against the invisible walls. Subaru felt his chest tighten and his heart constrict as if the whispers themselves were invisible bonds, choking the very life out of him. He felt the presence of the sakurazukamori growing not only around him, but also inside of him – he could feel the darkness of the Blossom Star slithering, coiling about his heart. The voice Subaru knew to be _his_ – the mocking, seductive tone that had haunted the onmyouji's boyhood days and nights, the voice that haunted him still. Turning to face the direction of the voice, he was greeted with a violent whirlwind of pink and purple.

His mouth fell open and his eyes bulged from beneath their tear-swollen lids as he attempted to comprehend what was happening before his very eyes.

It can't be… 

…_no._

The whirlwind of petals seemed to take shape _becoming_ the form of a human. They were… _transforming. _It was as if some unforeseen force were coercing them to become one single entity – an _embodiment_ of the blossom itself. Subaru could clearly discern the formation of a long slender hand as hundreds of petals fluttered together forming the tapered fingers, embellished with mirror-like nails. Torrents of pallid petals were being drawn from before the Sumeragi's eyes to form the long extensions of suit-enfolded arms, whilst the scarlet-smeared petals on the ground beneath the Sumeragi began to fly up as if unknowingly summoned to shape the muscular black-clad legs of the blossom's creation.

He knew.

He knew that the entity being born from the blossom was _him **– **_his loveyet it still did not stop the young onmyouji pleading it not to be so. His brow knitted in disbelief whilst his eyes remained fixed on the frightful manifestation that unfolded before him.

_Horrible. It's just too… horrible_

He watched as the petals hungrily poured into the hollow of the Blossom Star's chest cavity.

He watched through tear-glazed eyes as the petals wove a fitted black suit about _his _supple frame, completed by the trademark pair of glasses loosely hanging from the suit pocket.

Subaru's face remained aghast as a further surge of pure white blossom began to shape the gracefully slender neck of the sakurazukamori, carving out each groove, each tendon from thin air. Flurries of tainted blossom whisked up his silken neck, beginning to sculpt out the chiselled jaw of the Sakurazuka creeping up to mould the cut-glass cheekbones that adorned the assassin's face.

Each time the blossom climbed further up the face of the sakurazukamori, Subaru felt his heart miss a beat. Each heartbeat pounded with fear, knocking against his chest.

And then he saw them…

...two lone sakura petals, one of deathly white the other drenched in blood effortlessly settling into the eyeless sockets forming the intimidating mismatched eyes that pierced through the onmyouji's very being.

"Finally we meet, Subaru-kun," whispered the assassin, his flushed lips pronouncing each syllable with such cold-hearted precision that they cut through the stagnant air like a knife.

A venomous grin flashed across his lips as his eyes beheld the white-clad youth that stood before him trembling. He allowed his eyes to run up and down the onmyouji's supple frame taking in every last detail; the way his collarbone protruded from beneath his overcoat, how his neck flushed each time he felt the assassin's eyes on him. He observed the rise and fall of the Sumeragi's chest growing deeper and faster with renewed fear...

**Fear or _Desire_ Subaru-kun?**

He couldn't help but smile as his mismatched eyes fell upon the tear stained face of the boy in front of him.

**Hmm, to know that _I_ am the cause…**

His eyes stared deeply into the vacant emerald pools, searching…

"Cute," he murmured, as he watched a lone tear trickle down the sharp cheekbones of the Sumeragi's face.

Subaru closed his eyes not only in disgrace, but in fear of revealing the true feelings that lurked within him – feelings that should not be felt for such a man, feelings that made him physically ache with carnality inside. He was overwhelmed with silent anger, but also something else. A far stronger emotion gripped him forcing him to open his eyes, to look at the one person he both hated yet _desired._ His gaze fell upon the piercing white and amber stare of the man standing in front of him. The urge to look away from that penetrative gaze was great, but the urge to search the depths of those eyes for a semblance of emotion was greater.

For every second that passed between the two, Subaru's tears renewed themselves, as any hope of finding emotion amidst the Blossom Star's soulless eyes became a futile quest.

"How very cute indeed," the assassin whispered once more, this time he gently brought his willowy hand up to the onmyouji's face, softly cupping it in his palm

Subaru winced drawing in a deep breath, shuddering as the gentle touch of the assassin brushed across his cheekbone wiping away the tears that spilled from his eyes. His eyes lulled shut as Seishiro slowly withdrew his hand from the young onmyouji's face, removing a glistening trail of tears that settled on the tip of his thumb.

The assassin watched as the onmyouji calmly closed his eyes. He smiled internally knowing how much power he _still_ held over the _boy _that stood before him.

He still saw him as just that… a boy – untainted, guiltless, but _he _alone still held the power to corrupt him, defile him yet the corruption had already begun, it had begun years ago. Laughing softly, he watched how the same tears that fell from Subaru's angular face before him were the same as the ones that fell on that fateful day when the Sumeragi was just a child; he could still remember the young onmyouji's tears mingling with the rain as they both stood beneath the ever-increasing shadow of the Barrow.

Seishiro felt the calling of the Barrow rise up in his soul, breaking into his mind and bringing him back to reality.

He found his reality running down the side of his etiolated thumb, gathering in the crease between thumb and finger. The tears had grown cold, so cold. It reminded him of his own reality, his own existence: cold, emotionless… empty.

Subaru watched the assassin through partially shrouded eyes, noticing how he continued to stare intently at the tears that moistened his thumb. He watched as Seishiro's eyes opened and closed slowly, _mechanically_, as if something were controlling them. He saw the occasionally flash of amber and piercing of white. Instantly, the onmyouji was thrown back into the past once more…

…sent back to the hospital…

…the hospital where his life was saved…

…saved by the very man that _wished _to kill him.

Subaru replayed the incident over and over again, he watched as Seishiro was struck, blinded whilst protecting him. He witnessed the crimson and grey matter gushing from where the knife tore through the warm amber of his adversary's eye spilling its contents down the side of his ashen face. The youth grimaced as he saw the sultry amber metamorphose into a desolate white before his eyes.

"You know Subaru-kun? You are too kind," spoke the assassin with an alarming sense of sincerity that caused the onmyouji's eyes to flicker open in disbelief.

Subaru watched the assassin as he spoke, observing the way his eyes were transfixed on the evaporating tears that clung to his skin. The onmyouji blushed realising that maybe a part of him had finally brought a glimpse of sincerity to the assassin's life.

"But your kindliness will be your downfall," continued the Blossom Star, refocusing his stare smiling as he saw the youth's hopes crumbling, "Subaru-kun."

* * *

_Nearly there teehee I had a weird feeling about this chapter, but looks like it _might_ be ok. I guess now you've read it, it wouldn't hurt to give me a little review – I just like to know if I'm doing ok. Now, onwards!_


	6. Strength

**DISCLAIMER:** As before, all characters and specialised words etc, relating to the characters used are owned and credited to CLAMP. Certain images and events are also credited to CLAMP. However, the interpretation of events and the story that follows is written by sakurazukamori. Enjoi, R/R.

**.:Chapter 6 – Strength:.**

"The shadow of Strength is the Lust for War."

_You are too kind…_

_...but your kindliness will be your downfall…_

…_Subaru-kun._

It felt as if his heart were being physically torn from his chest. Each word bludgeoned its way through the Sumeragi's inner being grasping at his hopes, crushing them with such severity that they could never hope to be restored. The Blossom Star smirked as he rubbed the tears from his thumb onto his night-black overcoat, consigning them to their insignificant fate.

"Kindness," he intoned slowly, "it was something your beloved sister had in ample supply also. It is such a shame that her kindness led to so bloody an end, don't you think Subaru-kun?"

He took a long pause as he leisurely ran his thumb along his lips, feeling the clammy remnants of the salty tears.

"Hokuto's fate... the same fate that will befall you," he continued, smiling as his tongue seductively brushed across his parted lips taking with it the taste of the Sumeragi's innocence, "unless you are one for challenging fate's deceitful course?"

Subaru felt his heart knock harder against his chest when he heard the assassin talk of his sister's fate. He felt the guilt surge inside again, breaking through his emotional barriers, flooding his conscience bringing with it _her_ bloodstained face.

It flashed in his mind growing closer with every heart beat, until the onmyouji could make out each tear that laced her lifeless face, until he could see the emptiness of _their_ emerald eyes. The assassin's cold-hearted regard for his sister pierced through the onmyouji's hardened numbness allowing trickles of _real_ grief to work their way through the cracks that had formed in his defences. He had never truly mourned his sister's death, he felt he should not have the privilege; after all it was his fault that she was dead.

_It was... it was all my fault._

"Yes, in a way you are right, my dearest Subaru-kun," announced the assassin triumphantly, "she _did _give her life for your sake. She died so you could survive."

_How? How could he have…_

"Read your thoughts?" finished the Blossom Star, laughing. "You haven't forgotten, have you?" he teased, "Your fate is still sealed by the blossom. Within this illusion, I can do anything I like to you."

Instantaneously, the onmyouji felt the mark on his right hand burn with a scorching heat as the pentagram once again seared through his skin, causing him to grimace in pain. His teeth ground against each other as he vainly attempted to conceal the torturous agony that had begun to take hold of his whole body. His muscles felt like they were being sloughed away layer by layer, his eyes bulged when he felt his skin burn as if it were being subjected to the most blistering heat imaginable. The pain was too much… his whole body convulsed in one single movement as he cried out in agony.

"AAARGGHHHHHH," screamed the Sumeragi. "S-stop!"

The sakurazukamori stepped closer, muttering the chants of dark onmyoujitsu. His overcoat flew out behind him accompanied by a whirlwind of sakura blossom as he intensified his concentration on the shaking youth before him. He focused his pitiless malice and relentless contempt bestowed upon him by the malevolent Sakura Barrow, boring it into the Sumeragi's very soul. He watched the onmyouji cry out each time he forced more anger and cruelty upon him, relishing each scream that accompanied every contortion.

"My, such a _lovely_ voice," taunted the assassin mercilessly.

"Unghh, s-s-s-top," stammered the onmyouji through gritted teeth. "S-stop..."

The Sumeragi's lithe frame began to crumple as he felt his knees shake violently beneath him. This pain was worst than anything he had ever felt; it was tinged with the festering hatred of something that knew nothing of love or compassion. A hatred so unnatural that it was too intense for any human to conceive. The onmyouji knew this was not the assassin's doing, but something wicked more heartless…an evil that had turned the assassin's soul black decades ago.

The utterings and whispers of the Sakura Barrow coiled about the Blossom Star strengthening his will, fuelling him with the most vicious cruelty.

"**Take him…" _"…make him one with Us."_**

"**_His fate is sealed…"_ "Infuse him with Our hatred…"**

"**Seishiro…" _"…My Star." _**

He could feel the Barrow's sinister shadow consuming his very being, taking control of him again, enforcing a soul-crushing hatred on the youth crumbling in front of him. The assassin amusedly watched as the Sumeragi reached out for him silently pleading for him to cease his noiseless torment, but something other than the Barrow prevented him from doing so, something more primordial: his lust for power over innocence.

The weight on Subaru's soul was more than he could bear. He could see each victim that the Barrow had consumed; he could feel their misery as they were dragged beneath its heaving roots shrieking and crying. His mind was assaulted with petals and blood as one after the other they met their untimely demise; the nightmares that had once only haunted his nights haunted him whilst he was awake, unrelenting.

A merciless smile spread across Seishiro's curved lips as he continued to watch the youth convulse in the throes of agony yet something didn't feel right. A shift in energy alerted him to the boy's right hand.

A flash of white…

A single shining ofuda lay in the Sumeragi's pentagram-emblazoned hand ready to be thrown, its carmine pentacle glowing in anticipation. The aching muscles in the onmyouji's fingers tensed underneath their ashen shroud; each of his knuckles somnolently rose up, pulling with them the outlines of hidden tendons.

His hand swiftly sliced through the air in one fluid movement, effortlessly winging its way towards its intended target. Seishiro's sleeve snapped as it whipped through the air, his hand clasping around the fragile wrist of the onmyouji ceasing its movement.

The ofuda fell from the Sumeragi's grasp, fluttering to the murky ground dissolving into a whisper of white feathers. The onmyouji gasped as he felt the forceful arm of the assassin snaking its way around his waist pulling him closer. The grip on his wrist tightened. He was trapped.

Seishiro smiled. He had him just where he wanted; there was no way he could escape, no way he could resist. Seishiro could feel the quickening pulse of the onmyouji through the tightening grip he held on his wrist. His right arm had deftly slid underneath the blood-smeared overcoat of his victim, wrapping itself about the taut lower abdomen of the weary Sumeragi. The sakurazukamori felt the ragged breath of the onmyouji on his face, rising and falling as he leaned forward. His cheek brushed against Subaru's tear-streaked countenance as his nose gently nuzzled its way towards the onmyouji's flushed ear. He felt the muscles squirming underneath the Sumeragi's translucent skin as he graced past the sharp cheekbones. The assassin's breathing deepened excited by the onmyouji's emanation of innate fear.

"It would be foolish for you to try and resist me," the assassin purred breathily into the Sumeragi's ear. "After all, you are mine Subaru. You always have been and always will be… forever."

**You are mine**

**always **

**forever**

**mine**

The Blossom Star's words seared themselves into the onmyouji's mind; he had always been Seishiro's and he would _continue_ to be Seishiro's, both physically and emotionally. His eyes closed allowing two single tears to trail down his cheeks; he recalled how he wished Seishiro had said those words to him when he wanted, _needed_ to hear them, now the same words he wished to hear held a different, darker meaning. Their fates were intertwined like the yin and yang, dark and light, forever in conflict yet forever destined to be as one. He felt the assassin gently grace across his cheek once more, pulling back until the mismatched eyes were level with his own. The fiery amber and the deathly white reminded Subaru of the sakurazukamori's tumultuous confliction: warm yet cold, alive yet dead, caring but cruel. He felt Seishiro's warm breath on his face, bitter with nicotine yet indescribably sweet – the scent was intoxicating and once again, the onmyouji's fear and desire merged into one. However, each time he felt the desire rise up in him he saw his sister's dying face resonating in his mind over and over again, as if she were punishing him for such wantonness.

Seishiro looked into the Sumeragi's glazed eyes and realised what it was that had drawn him to the youth at their first meeting. The hauntingly green eyes of the onmyouji looked into his, pleading, just as they had done all those years before. He felt himself subconsciously exhale, his hand moving to caress the prominent hipbones of the Sumeragi, smiling as he heard the release of a soft moan. It was such a thrill to know that he had such absolute power; power he could exploit, power that he _would _exploit. The assassin watched Subaru's mouth begin to slightly part as if to form a word or another moan…

"Why have you brought me… here?" Subaru whispered listlessly. His eyes lulling open and shut, his lips cracked and dry.

A seductive smile passed over Seishiro's lips as he leaned in towards the onmyouji, inches away from the boy's parted curvature. He pulled Subaru closer as if to tenderly caress his parched lips, but instead he allowed himself to softly sweep against the side of the Sumeragi's face. His eyes remained focused on those of the onmyouji, as he moved once again towards the youth's ear. His tormentor paused as he lingered and calmly breathed in the scent of the Sumeragi's skin – a mixture of sweat, tears and jasmine.

**_Exhilarating _**

"I brought you here," purred the assassin, "because I know that your wish is to kill me. Yes me, the one who killed your precious sister."

"Why couldn't you have killed me?" gasped Subaru disbelievingly. "You know, you've always known where I am."

"Where would be the fun in that, my naïve Subaru-kun?" laughed the Blossom Star cruelly. "If I had killed you then I wouldn't be able to indulge myself with these…" he paused, "…_intimate_ moments, would I?"

The Sumeragi turned his face away from the assassin in shame as tears of hurt threatened to run from his closed eyes. He felt so powerless and ashamed; he was there for the sakurazukamori's sick pleasure so that the assassin could dangle his greatest wish in front of him and then take it away.

_Can he? Does he know my real wish?_

The onmyouji bit down on his trembling lip as he realised just how much it still hurt him to know that the man he loved, could not and would not love him back.

_My wish for him to…

* * *

_

_Even after re-editing this chapter, I still feel that something is lacking. It was really difficult combining the two perspectives together. I know Subaru is a little OOC with his crying all the time, but I just wanted to show his fragility. I'm happy with the description and style, but the characters are stupidly hard to get right. Hope I did okay._


	7. Justice

**DISCLAIMER:** As before, all characters and specialised words etc, relating to the characters used are owned and credited to CLAMP. Certain images and events are also credited to CLAMP. However, the interpretation of events and the story that follows is written by sakurazukamori. Enjoi, R/R.

**.:Chapter 7 – Justice:.**

"...It is said of the wicked who believe that they are just: _'Even at the threshold of the underworld they do not turn back.' _For they are under the illusion that they are being led into Hell so that they can redeem the souls from it."

_Does he know my real wish?_

_My wish for him to..._

It was the taste of blood, metallic and bittersweet that brought the onmyouji back to his senses. His teeth had sunk deep into his bottom lip, carmine droplets oozed from the gash, welling in the cracked rivets of his parched lips. The taste and the still lingering scent of blood, it served as an all too cruel reminder...

He was not in a dream, but an illusion of painful reality.

Opening his haunted emerald eyes, Subaru met the lingering stare of his one love, his one hate... a contradiction of everything. He could see a satisfied grin pulling at the corners of the blossom star's seductive lips.

"My Subaru-kun," whispered Seishiro, a flash of pearly white accompanying his words. "You are bleeding."

Releasing his hand from around Subaru's slim waist, he brought one of his long tapered fingers to the Sumeragi's mouth running it along the bloodied lip. The onmyouji's blood smelt different from that of the others, _purer_, untainted by the corruption that seemed to hold Japan hostage. Bringing his crimson stained finger to his own mouth, the sakurazukamori indulged himself with the younger man's essence, his life force. The blood stained his teeth spoiling them with a cerise tinge...

"Now where were we?" mused the assassin, his head cocked to one side. "Ah yes, I remember; this is your chance Subaru-kun, the chance you have been yearning for, the chance to kill me. Defy your fate and avenge dear Hokuto's."

Stretching his arms out in a welcoming gesture, the blossom star stepped back from his quarry. He could see the arms of Subaru Sumeragi lying limp and leaden at his sides as if he had forgotten how to use them. Seishiro could almost sense the mental conflict tearing apart at the insides of the Sumeragi's mind...

Revenge, isn't that what he wanted? Revenge for his sister, his twin's death? Why then couldn't he summon the ofuda to hand? Why couldn't he strike down the man that had caused him such endless misery, such torment? He wanted to rip out the part of him that loved this murderer, the part that hung on his every word, every gesture.

"You need more persuasion?" mocked Seishiro, his amber eye laughing. "I'd be happy to oblige." Taking a step towards the young onmyouji, Seishiro began to speak the words he knew would inflict more pain on the Sumeragi than any possible form of physical torture. "Did you know that your sister _begged _for your life? Oh yes, she begged Subaru-kun; even when she was dead, she continued to beg with her lifeless eyes. I could hear her silent plea even after her death, spare him Sei-chan, please... spare him. She could have walked away, but no... she died, died for you. And here I stand, your sister's murderer, awaiting redemption, but tell me little Subaru-kun, can _you _give me my redemption?"

Hokuto... her faced flashed into the Sumeragi's mind once again, although in reality it had never really left. He experienced its deathly pallor every waking minute, in every nightmare. Would his sweet, good-natured sister want her only brother to turn into a murderer? A murderer who, once accomplishing his vengeful deed, would inherit the accursed role of the blossom star assassin? Her face was a warning, a reminder...

"No," came a choked yet self-certain reply. "I will not become a murderer like you."

"Still haven't changed, Subaru-kun," whispered Seishiro, a jeering tone apparent in his voice, "haven't changed at all."

Coming closer to the young Sumeragi, the dark onmyouji grasped the boy's hands in his own bringing them to his lips. Subaru could feel himself wanting to pull away, but for some reason he allowed the assassin to gently press a kiss on the back of each hand. The sensation was unlike anything he had ever felt before – there was no accompanying pain or hatred, merely warmth. Seishiro could see Subaru's mouth parted in utter disbelief, his green eyes wide, but without the tears he had shed so freely before.

"You know, we all must change in order to survive," spoke Seishiro abruptly, "but for you, I see that will not be the case. Indeed, you really are still as cute as I remember, but are you still as innocent, my Subaru-kun?"

A wicked smile graced the lips of the sakurazukamori as he leaned in to place a long due kiss on the parched lips of the stunned Sumeragi. Subaru could still taste the bitterness of nicotine even after the assassin pulled away – a parting gift before they met for the last time. Seishiro felt himself smile inwardly as he realised that Subaru's wish would soon be granted and, in turn, his own wish would be realised. Stepping back from the youth, he studied the boy one last time. Did he really have what it took? Could his incorruptible soul handle such a bloodthirsty task? This time a true smile broke out across the sakurazukamori's face, of course the boy couldn't handle it, but he didn't care; either way, the assassin knew for certain that Subaru Sumeragi was not one to turn down a final request, even from someone like him.

"This is where we part," continued Seishiro taking no notice of his fellow onmyouji's silence. "Next time we meet it will be the last."

"I don't understand," replied Subaru shakily.

"Oh, I think you do," smiled the assassin, bowing his head. "You are a Dragon of Heaven, I am a Harbinger – neither can live whilst the other survives, you know this."

Subaru looked down to the floor; he didn't want to think about the fate of the Earth, it didn't matter to him, but he was now being dragged into it against his will. Flicking his eyes back up towards Seishiro, Subaru felt himself nodding silently – a mute acceptance of the events that would inevitably transpire upon a fateful day on the Rainbow Bridge.

"I never cared much before," began Subaru, words pouring from his mouth before he could stop them, "not about the Earth, the Seals or even the Harbingers. I just wanted to find you, but now I have-,"

"You can't do it," interrupted Seishiro, a condescending tone evident in his voice, "not yet, but when we next meet you will be ready, of that I am sure."

Nodding his head in a final concluding gesture, the sakurazukamori began to pace backwards, away from the young Sumeragi. There was something incorporeal about the dark onmyouji now though, his body seemed to be disintegrating into a blizzard of corruption. Infinite amounts of sakura petals began to flake away from the blossom star's tall frame, whirling about him with every step he took.

"I will see you soon," whispered Seishiro, his voice hoarse and echoing, "very soon."

No. He couldn't let him escape, not now, not after having searched for him for so long. Before he knew what he was doing Subaru bolted, running as fast as his shaking legs could carry him, but it didn't matter how fast he ran, the assassin was always just out of reach. The petals of the Barrow whipped against his cheeks leaving streaks of their blood-stained residue against his perfect face.

"Wait! Seishiro-san!" bawled Subaru, his lungs burning with every gasp of air.

The sakurazukamori wasn't stopping, his face was fixed with that satisfied grin as more and more of him peeled away. He no longer had legs only a flurry of pastel pink petals; even his abdomen was being eaten away, replaced by the perfect corruption that consumed him. Subaru didn't care; the sight of Seishiro disintegrating only spurred him on, his pace quickening, his balance faltering...

"Seishiro!" cried Subaru as he fell crashing to the ground, his hand outstretched, watching as the two mismatched eyes finally closed and disappeared into oblivion.

* * *

"Noooo! SEISHIRO-SAN!" gasped Subaru as he clawed out for the elusive assassin only to find that he was still in his dingy apartment room.

He was sprawled out in exactly the same position he had fallen in when he had vainly chased after the sakurazukamori. Looking down at his hands he could see that they were pallid devoid of any bloodstains, turning them over to look at the backs the mark of the blossom star had disappeared. A dream? No, how could something so real be a mere dream? Surely though that was the only logical explanation behind it? Sleep hadn't held a high position in Subaru's routine, perhaps it was his body finally giving out? Studying the backs of his hands once more, he vainly tried to locate the bleeding star but to no avail.

"Damn you," muttered Subaru under his breath as he pushed himself up into a sitting position.

Cradling his heavy head in his hands, Subaru felt himself emit a long sigh as he scolded himself for allowing sleep deprivation to pervade into his days. His relentless search for the blossom star had truly taken its toll on him. Lifting his head up to look around his apartment for signs of something out of the ordinary, a flash of pink caught his eye settling on to the barren floor next to him. The petal – it wasn't pure white, but cerise and splattered with droplets of crimson: a petal from the Sakura Barrow.

Crushing it in his fist, Subaru felt its feather-soft exterior metamorphose into something irony and liquid – the stench of fresh blood rose up his nostrils as drip after drip seeped onto the floor beneath him. Opening his clenched fist, Subaru saw the blood running along the lines of his palm soaking into his flesh. Seishiro's final words seared themselves into his memory over and over again...

_**I will see you soon... very soon**_

"How soon?" whispered Subaru, defeated, as the blood in his palm was diluted with the salty essence of lonely tears.

* * *

_All done! Not the best fan fic in the world, but one I owed myself to complete. I enjoyed writing it soo much when I first started, but I kinda lost interest. I then read X/1999 #18 and then got a surge of inspiration. For those of you who followed it and reviewed, thank you!_


End file.
